That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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