Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
