If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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