She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
