My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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