How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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