Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Less talking, more tequila
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
