peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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