I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
