She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
