Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
