What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
