Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
