Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
