the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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