I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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