I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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