That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
