I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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