i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm at about main and main street
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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