i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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