i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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