It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
