The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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