I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
