So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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