Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
