I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Even my vagina gasped.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
