i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
