two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
