This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
