Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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