She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
