I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
