Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
