I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
