dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize