I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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