If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no you cant smoke seaweed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
