I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
