I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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