not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
