weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
