when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize