my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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