im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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