Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This house was built for laser tag.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All the doctor said was why
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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