They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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