Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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