there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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