I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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