So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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