Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
