Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
