You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
