Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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