just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
