now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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