I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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