that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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